It occurred to me just a but ago, while I was making an ass out of myself to entertain Peyton, I am meant to be a mom.
Go back about 20 years and I would tell you differently.
I was never really around kids and babies growing up. I didn’t hate them, but I also had no opinion on them.
I have never been able to pinpoint where exactly in life I belong, but I sure as hell didn’t envision myself having 4 kids, all girls.
I have had my doubts, and haven’t we all. That moment where you just don’t think you can take much more.
My journey is a little bit different than most.
I also never planned to get a divorce.
Of all the obstacles I have faced in life, getting a divorce has been the most difficult.
The challenges continue.
You resolve one issue and have another one. Or there are things that remain hurdles and you just have to realize that it comes with the territory.
Like they say, “there are no winners in war”, and divorce is just that. No matter how ugly or amicable they are.
There are still casualties.
Through it all, I have primarily remained unchanged when it comes to how I am as a mom.
I have changed. I have grown. Life has changed. It is all just part of the aftermath.
I realized, that even though I didn’t see my life going in this direction, I had no planned direction to begin with.
I am literally writing my book of life as I go along. The following pages are blank, and I can write them as I wish.
Even though I didn’t go to college, get a degree, buy a big house, travel and whatever else goes along in the package of a “successful” person, I am successful.
I am good at being a mom. I am meant to be in this position.
If I were to sit down and list all the tasks and duties I perform just to keep them alive and well, the list would have no end.
Add in all the extras and well if it were a job, I would be getting totally screwed on pay and benefits.
But, I don’t bitch. Even though I struggle every day with the complexity of life in general.
I sometimes get tired. I get angry and sick just like everybody else. I am not perfect.
When I truly look at where I am, I am doing something I love. I am caring and nurturing and loving and it comes naturally.
I have improved my motherly abilities and damn it, I am proud.
4 little lives depend on me and I go above and beyond for them.
I am truly meant to be a mom.
If someone would have told me 20 years ago that I would have 4 beautiful lives to love and to hold and to help them to grow, I would have just laughed.
I have been through so much in recent years. I have quit and given up on things. But, my love and desire to be a mom is still as strong as ever.
I have succeeded at something.