We certainly have history. A lot of it bad.
I have learned a lot in the past year since my divorce was finalized.
A lot about myself, and a lot about life.
My mom and I have a toxic relationship that erupted after I was married for a bit.
I don’t necessarily know why I acted the way I did.
I just know that I didn’t feel like myself in my marriage. In turn it made me act not myself.
So, to simply explain the troubles, my mom has always been a little “off” as far back as I can really remember. As I got older it became more difficult to deal with her erractic behavior.
My parents fought daily, and my mom seemed to become more insane.
Truth is, she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, maybe a few years ago, but refuses to accept treatment for it.
So, regardless, she is still extremely difficult to deal with.
After all that I have been through, I finally realized how important family is.
So, I decided to write my mom a letter. Heartfelt, apologetic, and real.
It has been nearly a month since I sent it.
I have received no response.
There really isn’t much more I can do.
But, I also vowed to never be the negatives I saw growing up.
I saw her struggles and how she lived selflessly and unhappy.
That was not going to be me. I love my dad, but my parents should have been divorced long ago.
I refuse to live in misery and not live my life.
I want happiness. I want peace. I want my family.
I took a nasty road to get there, but I made it. Now, I am just trying to repair the damage I created.
What will be, will be. I won’t hold my breath.