Here I am….

First of all, before I get into my MIA status, I just want to say, everything, everything I say and write comes from my heart and soul. No lies, no fabrication. True, honest and genuine. It is the only way I know. It has acquired me enemies. It has turned people close to me away. But, it has also helped me realize the special people who belong in my life. 

They get me, at least somewhat, and they accept me. 

So, on to the next order of business….

This was my Thanksgiving. 


One test just wasn’t enough since this was unexpected. We just accepted that it wasn’t going to happen and allowed our lives to go on as normal. 

This has been the worst pregnancy in terms of sickness so far. Ultimately, my last too. Getting too old for this shit!!! Haha 

I actually feel somewhat human today, and was proud of myself for not having to throw up while attempting to brush my teeth this morning. 

Then, on top of that, we moved. Hopefully for the last time for awhile. 

We have been having a lot of financial strain due to all the kicks in the teeth we have been given. 

I try to remain positive. It is something I used to fail at miserably. But, guess what, no matter how hard our life is, overall I can’t express enough how much better I feel as a person. 

Even when the shit is thick like right now, (I have daily anxiety about how I am going to pay for my girls Christmas layaway), I know that I am shining through. 

People I don’t really even know are happy to see me. I guess I sparkle in a way I don’t fully understand, but that makes my heart happy. 

And as I was driving home from my first ultrasound and first round of bloodwork, I realized that I am stronger than I have ever been. 

Getting a divorce for me has been exhausting and devastating in some ways, but so liberating in others. 

You never really realize how stiffled you are until you have that chance to live and breathe. 

Is my life going the way I planned? Hell no! What I thought I once needed in life was so wrong for me. I am content with my decisions. 

They have made me who I am today. I once felt lost. I now feel human again. Which in turn, as much as it sucks, makes every frickin struggle and obstacle worth it. 

Why do we keep getting the shitty end of the stick? It has been over a year of crap being slung at us. Can we have a break now? Seriously, I don’t mind having to work hard, but at some point there has to be an end to this turbulent tunnel. 

So, I guess this all kinda derails my initial life overhaul. God had a different plan, and I am ok with that. 

Todd gets to have a child of his own. I get to love another tiny life unconditionally like I do my three beautiful girls. 

So, when you are standing in shit up to your eyeballs, don’t change your direction. Keep moving forward and see all the amazing things you have and get to be a part of. 

You have made it this far, nothing can stop you! 

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