I have been purging like crazy around the house. Gotta tell you, it is liberating.
It is almost like a light suddenly went off in my head and I was free.
Like I have said before, divorce is not easy. Regardless if you started it. Regardless if you are happy now.
So much comes with it. Even though I can look back and evaluate some of the events and feelings I had, and know that everything happens for a reason, the transition from what you know to the unknown is scary, stressful and new.
There are times of adjustment. It has been nearly a year since the divorce was finalized. I feel so eager to move on.
Bags of clothes, not worn in years. Why was I keeping them? I bought them because I thought they were cute, but not for me. I was trying to live somebody elses life.
Seriously, this is how I felt when putting on dresses or pant suits…
I have always been bold. But, I think I took this journey because it was to teach me a lesson about life, family and love.
So, after 13 years, I put that outfit on, was curious to see how it fit. The waist was a little loose.
All over the house I was purging, ran out of garbage bags, boxes and energy, but I wanted to keep going.
I found some things I no longer wanted or needed. I found some things I had forgotten about.
I found a box of rubber stampers that I completely forgot existed.
In the box of stampers was a bunch of dried out stamp pads and one stamper of my first name.
I hated it. I wanted to change it, and to me the most logical name was “Jeremy”, because that was the popular song by Pearl Jam at the time.
I was always so pissed that my name was never common enough to be on key rings, pencils and plastic cups. But, my mom found me this stamper.
I didn’t change my name. The thought fleeted me after awhile I guess. I grew to understand my name better. Those who called me Mel, were close friends. Melanie was the formal name, and if you chose to call me Mel and I didn’t think we were close enough, I was usually offended.
My name is mine. It fits me, and I no longer cringe when I hear it.
Letting go of parts of my past one day at a time. I am completely ready for this new journey now.