I was thinking yesterday about all my hardships recently. How I am trying so hard not to screw up, but how some things are out of my hands.
I wonder if people see my efforts. If they respect the fact that I hate failure, and it is obvious I am trying to do all that I can to make it right.
Then I realized, nobody outside my circle gives a shit about me and who I am.
I can plead my case, ask for help, let them know what I am going through and all that I want to do, and it means nothing.
I am a nobody, and I need to accept that I am no more special than anyone else.
I have dreams and hopes. I have desires and needs. Some people just get handed opportunity, while others struggle just to keep afloat.
What makes that other person more acceptable or appealing?
I am honest and true. Responsible, passionate, loving and caring. I want to be happy in life. I want to be the best mom I can be. I am creative and outgoing, enthusiastic about the things I love. I want to help people, make people smile and know that I am doing something great for somebody else.
But, it seems with all those qualities, I just don’t belong anywhere. I don’t understand why.
I can’t find a part time job that will honor my duties as mom when I have my girls. I live my life selflessly, and still I am not seen.
So, I just need to accept the fact that I am a nobody. I have always seen myself do great things, be something, be successful.
I guess I am reaching too high.
Will I ever change who I am? Nope.
Maybe someday someone will see my potential.