Nobody cares….

I was thinking yesterday about all my hardships recently. How I am trying so hard not to screw up, but how some things are out of my hands. 

I wonder if people see my efforts. If they respect the fact that I hate failure, and it is obvious I am trying to do all that I can to make it right. 

Then I realized, nobody outside my circle gives a shit about me and who I am. 

I can plead my case, ask for help, let them know what I am going through and all that I want to do, and it means nothing. 

I am a nobody, and I need to accept that I am no more special than anyone else. 

I have dreams and hopes. I have desires and needs. Some people just get handed opportunity, while others struggle just to keep afloat. 

What makes that other person more acceptable or appealing? 

I am honest and true. Responsible, passionate, loving and caring. I want to be happy in life. I want to be the best mom I can be. I am creative and outgoing, enthusiastic about the things I love. I want to help people, make people smile and know that I am doing something great for somebody else. 

But, it seems with all those qualities, I just don’t belong anywhere. I don’t understand why. 

I can’t find a part time job that will honor my duties as mom when I have my girls. I live my life selflessly, and still I am not seen. 

So, I just need to accept the fact that I am a nobody. I have always seen myself do great things, be something, be successful. 

I guess I am reaching too high. 

Will I ever change who I am? Nope. 

Maybe someday someone will see my potential. 

It’s been 10 days…

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. 

Every time I feel like I am on a good path, something new gets tossed in the mix. 

I have made progress in small ways. 

Maybe I need to really stabilize everything before I take on the giant things.

I am keeping track of my successes and my failures. 

Not giving up. Not now. When something doesn’t go right, I am thinking up new and better ways. 

I think that means more than anything. Trying to remain positive, keeping a smile on my face, not being bullied and moving forward with my head held high, is a fabulous start. 

I can say a lot of bad things about my childhood and growing up, but what it helped me to learn is that my strength to endure is based on the effort I put forth. 

Maybe everything is just a test. I haven’t failed. I have no reason to feel like a loser. I have gained so much from all my experiences. I have learned a lot about myself. 

So, I am not on point with my challenge. I got knocked down hard. Recovery is key. I am working on that. 

One day at a time! 

Personal challenge

It has been quite some time since I have added anything new here. 

Part of me was just disgusted and wanted to avoid everyone. 

Another part of me just didn’t have anything to say. 

Starting today, I begin a new journey to get the rest of my life back. 

Divorce is done, even though there are still custody issues, but I really have no more excuses other than I became lazy. That is not me. 

I am in control of my own life. Each day I wake up, it is up to me to make decisions that will affect how my day goes, how my life goes. 

I will not allow anyone or anything to hold me back. I have a lot of work to do. 

I really became derailed after my divorce, but I feel like it is time to take control again. 

I know it won’t be perfect, and I know I will have days where I struggle, but I am keeping the mindset that it is my life, my choices and I tell the tale. 

I am not going to write here every day, but I plan to update my progress as I need to. Not only to motivate others, but to hold myself accountable and to celebrate my triumphs. 

This is an entire life make over. I want to be healthy again. Started smoking when I got separated. Quit working out. I want to succeed at my Jamberry business. Be a great mom and role model for my 3 girls. 

Enough is enough. One day at a time. I will get back to where I was and more. 

I have great family and people in my life. Todd never gives up on me. It is time to be brave and do amazing things. 

I know what needs to be done.