My life

I often wonder how I keep afloat. 

In the past two weeks, I have been bombarded with all sorts of shit. 

A real shitstorm! 

So, it starts with me. Yes, my boobs aren’t real. Not ashamed. I spent 35 years having the chest of a 10 year old.

But, something wasn’t right. Come to find, that I am so muscular, that my pec muscle pushed one of my implants out of place. I can not afford to get it fixed right now. How flippin crazy is that. Only me! 

Then, my brother contacts me, whom I haven’t talked to in over a year, to tell me that my dad was taken to the hospital with stroke symptoms. 

He has been fighting leukemia for nearly two decades and has had many complications along the way. He also has had to have various melanoma removed from his skin. 

In the same breath as telling me about my dad, my brother informs me that my only grandmother I had left died back in November from a stroke, and NOBODY told me. 

Jesus Christ! 

Wait, it gets better. 

My ex husband decided that because of the incident with my fiance, he is now taking me to court for full custody. 

How haven’t I broken down by now? 

My girls are always safe. An isolated incident. A huge wake up call for him as well as I. We are both going to counseling together because we realize the problems are greater than us. 

We are getting help, and he wants to take my girls away from me. He is a monster, and I hope he realizes the hatred he is going to create, not only from me, but from the girls. Especially my oldest. 

Nobody fears my fiance. We all realize here that he has a problem. We all want to give him a chance because we love him. 

I don’t even know how I am going to be able to pay for representation. 

I am a great mom. Not conceited. Just honest. Todd is a great father figure, that I know those girls don’t get over there since he is always at work. 

So, here I sit in a state of numbness. Not knowing what to do and how to feel. Talk about sending your anxiety into overdrive. I think now I can also include some depression. 

How have I not crumbled yet? Seriously! 

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