Patting myself on the back

I don’t often do that. I tend to focus more on my faults. 

Yesterday, while I was refinancing my car, I realized how far I have come and how much I have accomplished on my own. 

Within the past year, I have gotten divorced, which left me to take care of everything myself. The unknown causes me a great deal of stress and anxiety. The funny thing is, I took care of everything head on and with little fear. 

I was the one whole went and filed for the divorce. I took it upon myself to find a new place to live. Found and purchased a different vehicle. For a little bit, for the first time I owned my own car outright, until the engine blew. I then tried to purchase a home, which failed only because of government stipulations, my alimony did not fall into their alloted timeframe. So, I found a better place for me and my family to rent for now. All the bills are in my name, I financed a brand new car. 

I have my own bank account. I have an identity and purpose again. I have dignity, compassion, love, smiles, and life again. 

I even got to go on a real vacation to Jamaica, for the first time in over two decades. 

I have become a better mother, person and friend. I am not so bitter towards the world, even tho I know after being married to a cop for 12 years, that there is a lot more ugly and evil things in this world than what the average person even knows about. 

I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned to accept when I am wrong. I have learned to fight for what I believe in and to do the right thing, even though it may be harder. 

Isn’t that what life is all about? Learning, developing, growing and improving. With that comes everything else. Love, happiness, adventure, appreciation, dedication, self respect. 

So, I pat myself on the back. The total unheaval of my life did not destroy me. It made me more complete again. The pieces were scattered, but all they needed was rearranged and pieced back together correctly. There are still pieces that need put into place. One day at a time. It will be finished eventually. It’s a good thing I have learned to be more patient as well. 


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