Failing

Almost every night I have an epiphany. I tell myself that tomorrow is the day. 

I am going to set up my meals, set a timer to eat regularly. Take all my vitamins and supplements, and if I can’t get to the gym, to spend some time at home doing pilates or some weighttraining. 

Why can’t I get back on track? It was like clockwork before. I was proud of myself. Now, I am blah. 

I can’t seem to motivate myself enough even though I am not happy. Why?

I look back at pictures from less than a year ago and feel disappointed that I allowed all my hard work fade away. 

My divorce really threw me off course. I hate making excuses, and I really have no good one now. But, for some reason I keep finding them and I hate it. 

I gotta find that spark again. I know what needs to be done. It is not that I am lost, I just don’t know what it is. 

It is not like me to not go after what I want. I guess that is why I am so bothered. 

I will be there again. I must. For nobody but me. I have the drive and dedication. I just don’t know what is holding me back. 

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3 thoughts on “Failing

  1. I am having the same dilemma, only my spiral began at the beginning of the end without me realizing it. Slowly putting on weight, rolling over and going back to sleep when the alarm went off, skipping workouts, eating crap, etc. You know what you have to do, what you SHOULD do, how to do it, when to do it, etc. but you just can’t. I get it. It’s not an excuse if it’s true. Divorce is emotionally equal to a death, and just like a death, the reality of it sometimes sneaks up on you and takes your breath away. Along with your drive, your determination, your true self. You will get back to you again, you just have to give this new version of you the time it needs to grieve and heal.
    Good luck, my friend.

    Like

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